Sailing

What is it with sailing? All I seem to be able to think about and all I can be bothered watching is YouTube vidios about sailing. Its like it’s stuck in my brain. Now the house is sold I should be looking at land but I have zero enthusiasm for it. No one else wants to go sailing in my family just me. Perhaps I feel the threat of the covid 19 virus and subsequently feel like I would be safer in the ocean, being 53 and a heart patient to boot. Perhaps I would? There seems to be so little information about the transmission of the virus and how long it can survive outside of the host that maybe its the right thing to do? Of corse I just keep looking at land because that’s what would be conciderd the responsible thing to do and it’s all about responsibility isn’t it? What about adventure? Doing the thing that’s in your heart is important to isn’t it? I bought the south island ferry tickets today and I felt nothing really. It’s like just going through the motions. Afterwards I went back to looking at boats.. Sigh. Perhaps its the sence of adventure and risk. Living on the edge just you and the elements? So I ask myself what the heck am I going to do in a house? It surpises me how fearfully we live in this world beyond, mere self preservation. So many inherited fears and social conditioning that try to keep us going in a prescribed manner and when you go outside of that conditioning it really messes with you. It’s like the decision to home school all over again and the constant voices inside and out that make you question your sanity. Grrr. I only have one life. I could get to the end of it and declare that I played it safe and mearly survived and feel the dissopointment or say I had a life that meant something to me and hopefully to others. I know which one I would rather choose but I guess the thing that puts me off about buying a boat is if I had one where would I go?