The homestead if that’s what you can call it now has a greenhouse a kitten, 12 Rabbits a dog and different vegetable patches dotted here and there ranging from spuds to tomatoes and as much as I would like to say something is finished it just isn’t the case. I don’t think I can say much in my life is a completed thing where I can stop and just say ! look I finished it. I usually have multiple projects on the go at any one time either because of lack of funds or because its somehow connected to another unfinished project and I noticed that the more unfinished stuff I have going on the more messy I feel inside and the more messy the property looks. To top it off i have another hospital appointment coming up which requires an overnight stay in Christchurch for the five of us. Thankfully me and Serena managed to get some work on the neighbors property so we could afford the motel. Not that this is very interesting to anyone but it helps me to write things down some times to get a sense of order in the chaos of life.
Life at the moment seems like a continual juggling act. the produce we were to sell to the local café has come undone with the premature closure of the café. So back to the original idea of the road side stand to sell the tomatoes and cucumbers.
How this all feels to me at this moment is a never ending building up and falling flat situation where I feel like I can’t count on anything so to make it not seem to rough I just try no to set my heart on anything. I live in the moment as much as possible and think about what is rather than what could or might be. Plan for the future but live in the present because you never know what might happen. i hope i don’t sound unhappy as it’s not that I’m unhappy with my lot in life despite al the hardships. I have a wonderful family, live in a great country compared to a lot of people. we have no corvid in the country at present and we can get a benefit in New Zealand and freeish health care. It’s just the uncertainty that seems to nag on ones mind that I find I’m constantly battling so as not to despair of the future for us as a family and for New Zealand in general. If I watch the news about what’s happening in other countries I have reason to be a little pessimistic about the future of the world as I’m sure a lot of people are finding. But when you think about it the earth is the most stable thing we have right now and it will out live all of us. Historically kingdoms rise and fall and the people within those kingdoms but the earth remains and there is still hope that one day people will love each other but if I need to reach a little further than the earth there is the Spiritual hope of a brighter after life that will foster hope when you can’t find it on earth. I can’t tell people what to believe of course as each one chooses what it is that gives them personal hope amongst the seemingly futile existence that we seem to live and silly things we strive for. For me it’s the Christian faith which regards Jesus as the answer to all life’s woes because he is the god of the helpless, the week, the poor, the downtrodden, the rejected, the fatherless, the sick, the dying, the outcast and the hopeless. He has walked beside me more times than I can remember and is the one who walks with us in life whether we acknowledge him or not. It buffers one from the futility that living a life on earth teaches us is it’s ultimate outcome. everything we have and everyone we know will be separated from us one day and we will lay in state alone in the dark if all we believe is this one short life we each posses.
Perhaps it is true that I think too much but I know many who think too little. perhaps fear of the unknown does that and keeps us looking down instead of looking up. If i didn’t have a sense of God around me I’m sure i would do the same. But god is good and we see him in each other sometimes. just a little glimpse here and there. or in creation itself we catch a fragment of knowledge of his existence but for the rest we have to reach for through faith before we can find the full experience of knowing him. How do you keep an open heart during difficult times? choose faith hope and love as pivotal motivators in our actions and try not to respond out of the area’s of ourselves that don’t line up with these. The bible talks about all the things that happen and go on through out life and says that one day all these things will no longer be and all that will remain is faith hope and love and the greatest of these is love.