i don’t really believe in wishes. I mean what am I five? Yet I still use the term weirdly for things I wish I had, did or someother activity. But it’s more a wistful pondering, desiring something out of reach. Take land for instance. We had a house then sold it then bought land then sold it and now want land again. True both previous situations were not ideal and I didn’t want lend really apart for the needs I saw in my wife and children. I still want a boat but will bow to the needs of my family. Ellie enjoyed her plants today. Replanting them, talking to them and in a way feeling like things are stable once again. Serena is painting and feeling the need to organize the tent we are living in as though it were our new home. We thought the truck had sold or was going to be sold so we bought the tent so as to have somewhere to live if it sold. But now we just live in tbe tent anyway and the kids live in the truck. Everything is still and unmoving for us and I just sit there wishing for things that don’t come. How hard it is to just wait for things to unfold naturally. I listen to the rain softly falling on the tent roof and am at peace if I stop striving for what I don’t have and just be thankful for what I do have. Christmas has always been a hard time for me mostly because I missed out on many or carried a sense of rejected abondonment all my life. Now I have a family I can love and belong too. I think I can give some time to just living with that reality for a while and stop wishing for anything else.
