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Who’s driving

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I wonder about life sometimes, or rather the way it arrives for different people. Why is it for some it seems to pan out much like they expect it would and for others, almost every aspect has taken them this way or that so that the only real security they have is the knowledge that there will be another day?

All the expectations we have had for the year to go a certain way have not been fulfilled and it leaves me wondering if there is some reason for it. I’m not particularly fond of hindsight as looking back at things in the rear view mirror is only useful when the new thing comes and you can appreciate that it all went differently and why. But when your still headed in the direction of what you expect to happen it’s hard to stop and consider beforehand if it’s still the right course of action. Perhaps that’s too confusing. I guess re evaluation is the better term and this comes when your not sure your going the right way or plans have not yet come to pass.

At any moment we can just stop, make an adjustment to the plan and proceed again in the direction we were perusing with the the adjustments laid in. To me this is way more useful than hind sight but more difficult. It requires so much in the way of information gathering and sifting through our expectations. our feelings and our beliefs sometimes to arrive at a consensus on the plan or action to take. Then there are the pros and cons and the people in our lives that our decisions will effect. I find this to be the most exhausting part of the process.

Often it’s the fear of what other people might say or feel that effect many of our decisions in life and i notice that the more we are stationary the more it seems to matter. Questions like are we being selfish, something we were accused of when we first left to go traveling and something i often ask myself are thought’s that i have had to deal with from time to time. Of course we are.

That’s the point of living your life. Its your life to live and you absolutely can’t live it for others unless this is what you have chosen to do. We are all this way because we exist as a self and 90 percent of the time that’s the only view point we hold. It’s that extra 10 percent that we have for the inclusion of others that determines how we invest ourselves, whether it be in the service of others or only our self interest. It really can be a struggle sometimes to find a balance but it has to be found to stay in a relationship or at least have a healthy one.

The point i’m trying to make is that this weighing up of information is so vital to the decisions we make and often it’s why the outcomes we get aren’t what we initially expect. But is their another force at work acting against us seemingly to thwart us at every turn? Absolutely: There are many names for it as their are Gods who would likely claim responsibility for it. It is Gods will or it is karma or something else that has determined the outcome and if you look at the bad things or bad people that seem to prosper in the world you have to wonder if these external forces are actually good or bad, right or wrong. So it seems outside influences are just as powerful as those that drive us. Yes nothing in life is certain except for now the days keep rolling by until we have used our portion. So what do i make of it? forget the past look forward to the future but live in the present as much as possible. you only have this very short one life.

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