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Doubts

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Today we went to have a look at a property to buy if on the off chance we sold our house soon. The property looked nothing special although it was near a forest, had a stream and was private. Everything Serena liked and i guess feels she needs right now but i couldn’t commit to it one way or another. We have been traveling or at least living in a truck now for 6 years. It’s a long time to be doing something and even though i have moaned about the necessity of living this way pretty much the whole time, it would still be strange to stop doing it. I think anything you wrestle with leaves it’s mark on you to some degree, even relationship’s, bad or otherwise and this life i have really wrestled with on so many different levels. In some ways i actually feel like i have hated this life with it’s constant moving and bylaws and limitations and crammed conditions. But there are some things i have valued about this life such as the feeling of connection with family members and meeting people. The mentality of, us verses them that transpires when connecting with normal folk really irritates me. I talk to people who haven’t lived this life and 10 minutes into the conversation i’m thinking i’m glad i’m not like that, so narrow minded and brainwashed to seeing the world that way but perhaps they see me the same way. poor ignorant traveler who thinks he’s escaped but is really just living the same limited life but in a different way because everything is connected one way or another. So what about a boat? surely that’s a more freeing option? No rates or bureaucratic impingement on your freedoms. But once i get over the dreamy stage and remember the limitations that come with boats and maintaining them, i begin to realize that there is no perfect thing. I’m sure moving into a boat would be more familiar right now and be less of a shock to the system and i’m sure my family will except what decision i made for them as longs as it’s in their best interests because that’s what family do but is it the right thing? My sister says that you make it happen but i’m of the opinion that divine leading and guidance should also be taken into account. I look at things like the greater good for all those concerned as well as my needs in the hope that if were not all ecstatically happy at least were not miserable. I look at where i am at now after 6 years and i see that i have what i need and i’m not miserable and maybe that’s enough. Sure we wont be getting a horse and a cat and their isn’t enough room for the amount of trees that my wife would ideally like to keep but still, it’s not a terrible life is it?

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